Play the viedo as you read the post. Or else. . . .

Whenever possible family members and police officials have participated in recreating the events. What you are about to see, is NOT a news broadcast.


Malvern, Pennsylvania. A quiet town no more than 20 miles west of Philadelphia. A town that offers it's residents easy access to the Liberty City via a 50 minute train ride, and at once offering them the quiet solitude often afforded only to inhabitants of rural country towns. This village was where United States Marine and philanderer of ill repute Eric "Will" Williams chose to call home after his return from a tour of life and duty on the West Coast.

At age 25 Williams moved into the sleepy borough, making his home in a 1 bedroom apartment. Four walls and some appliances, a computer, and a bathroom. These are the amenities that marked the space in which Williams would hatch his plan to become the duke of death dealers, the prince of pain, the Total Universe Man.

It began with a pair of balls. Though they were lopsided, a feature that caused some to laugh and make fun of Will's balls, they served their purpose. They made Will tough. Tougher than any other ball bearing boy on his block (the 400 block of East King St.). With balls in hand Will taught himself the basics of ball wielding, and within 18 months had trained directly with the man who has been busting balls for over 20 years. One big and one small, the balls had come to define him. Will wished well of his balls, and kept them clean and warm. When ladies asked to see them, he would beam with pride and proudly display the asymmetrical duo of big black balls. Men would say "He's nuts, with those balls", and turn a jealous eye away. Other ball bearers would study the brazen moves Will busted on his balls, and with jaws agape grab their own balls and mimic the fluidity and grace of Will's ball handling. Older, wiser men would say "that boy is reckless! He goes 'round flashing those balls to e'ryone as though they're the only balls in town. What about MY balls? Sure I can't swing 'em like I used to, but I was putting balls over my head before he even knew where his balls were!"

As you can imagine, the towns people were divided. Seemingly out of nowhere, Malvern Borough had become host to a ball brandishing Jarhead full to the brim with piss and vinegar, balls resting in plain view, inviting others to play. This ballsy behavior caused an angry mob to descend upon the small apartment, irate and whipping themselves up into a frenzy. Demanding that Will either surrender his balls or leave town altogether, they beat upon his door and rattled the tiny housing unit until he presented himself at the window. Balls in hand, and unafraid, he opened his window to the town, and recited, with authority:

"These are my balls. There are many like them, but these one's are mine.
My balls are my best friends. They are my life. I must master them as I must master my life.
My balls, without me, are useless. Without my balls, I am useless. I must swing my balls true. I must swing higher than my enemy who is trying to beat me. I must swing them before he swings his. I will...
My balls and myself know that what counts in this town is not the times that we do it, the size of our balls, nor the sweat we make. We know that it is the reps that count. We will swing...
My balls are human, even as I, because they are my life. Thus, I will learn them as skill. I will learn their weaknesses, thier strengths, their parts, their accessories, their front and their back. I will ever guard them against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my balls clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before you, I swear this creed. My balls and myself are the defenders against unsightly bodyfat. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life...
So be it, until victory is mine, and there is no enemy, but aerobics!"

Cheering as though they had just witnessed the Gettysburg Address, the crowd now looked to Will and saw a defender, a warrior. A ball grabbing brother of honor and truth. They asked him, "show us how to play with these balls, so that we may one day master our own". And with a swell of pride in his healthy chest, he set out to teach the world.

Saturday 071027
Run 2.5 miles

Sunday 071028
Taught a four hour advanced workshop, waaaay tired after.

Monday 071029
100 Long cycle clean and jerks (50 doubles, 50 singles)

Wednesday 071031 Halloween!
1100 hours: Ran 2.7 miles
1700 Hours: Pull Ups
5 sets of 3 resting 1:30
3 sets of 5 resting 2:00
10 sets of 1 resting :30 between

Friday 071102 1515 hours
Pull Ups x1 x3 x4 x3 x3 x3 x3 x2 sets of 5 (30)
Push Ups x 3 sets of 20, 4 sets of 10 (100)
Swings 24kg x30 x 20 x 20
Short and severe. Done in 32 minutes. Ate a carton of egg whites scrambled with an avocado, 2 green peppers, and a diced tomato, plus a chicken salad wrap on whole wheat.