Today I cleaned my house. Today I inhaled many noxious chemicals. Today I make fun clean of house.
When I took a break, I suited up and ran. It was around 39 degrees and very sunny, but no warmth was cast upon me. I hit the 1.75 mile mark and my lung tissue was seared. For real I was quashed. I walked for 3:45 and then ran the last bit, totaling my "run" time at 26:02.
I am visually leaner. And the one pair of jeans I wear are getting looser, without question. In the past, when trying to rapidly lose weight, I always lost strength as well. However this time, as my strength is a skill, and is becoming "internalized", I will not suffer greatly. In the past, working with free weights in a rep scheme typically 10 and above and then embarking upon an 8 week aerobic training bonanza, I would return to the weights feeling small and soft. This time, knowing that I must avoid anything heavier than a 24kg to keep my neck free of snakebites, and knowing even better to stay away from double kettlebell overhead work where anything bigger than a 16kg is in play, the resistance workouts I am using to maintain will not leave me feeling sick and wasted. Good stuff. I also turned in the van today. That was a weird feeling. Like I was finishing a movie and it was the extended director's cut special edition. This shit was real. I took all my stickers off of the rear window, and removed my maps, iPod gear, and any other equipment shortly before driving it one last time (listening to Bjork and with an expressionless, bearded face) to Sarah's house. She has a buyer set up, and as the rightful owner of Mobile One, it was her call. Also, I couldn't secure financing at a rate that would allow MLK to function properly, so it was the best for everyone. And if you haven't tuned in for awhile, no worries. MLK is moving to the West Coast, and I am through with classes until i arrive at my next stop, but will be holding two workshops in December to keep hope alive. Click over to the TRAINING BLOG OF MLK to feed the hunger for details. . .
20071130
20071128
Mission: failed
I went for another Man Maker today around 0930. If you heard a loud sucking noise at that time it was I, on the track, struggling to survive. This workout was interrupted twice and it was my fault both times.
I set out for a Snatch based MM and when I got to the track, it was cold and windy. Really windy. So I performed my mobility drills, hammered out 25 snatches each arm with a 16kg, and when I set out to hit my first lap, the wind picked up hard core. So I went back to my house (only .5 mile away) and picked up some gloves and my face warmer. I forgot that high rep snatching in cold weather gloves is a total goat rope, so I defaulted to a Spec Ops Man Maker. I set out for 8 laps and seven sets of drills, and what I got was bust.
Lap 1 2:13 10 Push Ups, 10 swings each arm
Lap 2 2:05 15 Push Ups, 15 swings each arm
Lap 3 2:10 20 Push Ups, 20 swings each arm
Lap 4 1:51, followed by 1:30 rest
Lap 5 1:56 10 Push Ups, 10 swings each arm
Lap 6 2:03 15 Push Ups, 15 swings each arm
And then I crapped out. I ran a 5k yesterday and when I was through with round 6 I was feeling yesterday's run. Feeling it everywhere. My lungs were searing and I could feel my hammies getting tight like piano wires. It was one of those moments where I said to myself "Push it, PUSH IT!" in the voice of fictional television character Detective Elliot Stabler, yet then my inner Pavel voiced it's concern "Comrade, be fresh for tomorrow's workout. Do not be afraid to call it early". And with those two voices dueling in my ears I finished the final lap, and then cooled down. And it may have been a good idea. As I am amending this post here the morning after at 0610, my neck and back are a wee bit too tight to lift right now. Mobility yes but a lift, no. Maybe some aerobics? Maybe an On Demand pilates workout? My inner Pavelian just lit a torch and is about to lynch my inner cheerleader.
20071125
Super Five
Before the Eagles shock the world tonight by defeating the insuperable New England Patriots 27-24 (mark my words, it is now 1930, kick off in one hour), I would like to take some time to list the five workouts I have been cycling in and out of my Advanced S&C Class over the last 6 weeks.
Those of you who train with me know that I improv 90% of my workouts. Holiday classes and rep busting 10 minute snatch tests aside, I rarely concoct a workout until i see who is there, and what I am working with. recently, however, I have taken a new approach. I needed to become opportunistic with my workouts, much like I was in my early days as a trainer, when I was swamped with work at LA Fitness and knew that the end of the day would see me rushing home to shower and then "get my club on", leaving no time for a workout. What I came up with is this: If I get to my Advanced Class, and there isn't anyone in attendance who needs to be baby-sat, I will produce a manifest detailing the night's workout and send them off into the wild. All but one time in the last 2 weeks this has worked. And in creating these ready made workouts I have refined some of them to the point of beauty. Here are my Super Five, named in honor of fallen hero Donovan McNabb.
The Centurion
Double Jerk x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
Run 100m (use incline if possible)
Swings x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
Run through the drills circuitously (jerk-run-swing rest 1:00)
You may use long cycle C&J if you like, and you may perform any style of swing you prefer, so long as your hip extensions total out to the preset number (e.g. 5 swings each arm for your sets of 10).
The Spec Ops Man Maker
1 arm swings x 10/10-15/15-20/20-10/10-15/15-20/20-10/10
Push Ups x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
8 laps around a 400m track.
Also performed as a circuit. In order to balance the 8 laps with the 7 sets of drills, you must bookend the Push Ups and Swings with laps. What I have done is use the initial lap as a means to get loose and establish a time to beat. When you become proficient at this workout, make an attempt to come in earlier each round. Two weeks ago I finished my workout with a final lap[ at 1:37, better than any lap that night. There are no other guidelines to this workout other than to PACE yourself.
Executioner Style
Max Pull Ups, rest 2:00
50% max set, rest 1:00
Get Ups for 5 Minutes, HEAVY KETTLEBELL* switching hands every rep. rest 1:00
Tabata 1 arm Swing, rest 1:00
10 sets of 10 Push Ups, resting :45 between, rest 1:00 when done.
Fast 100 Snatches (20/20-15/15-10/10-5/5 without resting the bell), rest 1:00.
Deck Squat to Pull Up (1 for 1) Max Reps in 3:00 (if you get more than 50 reps call me and I'll buy you a steak).
This workout was modified from the original version as the OG version took too long.
When I say heavy kettlebell, I mean heavy. Women should use this as a chance to work with a 16KG kettlebell, and men should work with the standard issue 24KG or higher.
Black Jack
21 Jumping Pull Ups*
21 Snatches each arm
21 Scorpion Push Ups on each leg (21 left 21 right)
21 Tactical lunges each leg (1 set)
21 Alternating Jerks
21 Deck squat thrusts
Use this workout as a 1 round, short and sweet metabolic boost, or run through it for rounds in, you guessed in, 21:00.
*The Jumping Pull Up is not for everyone. And when I say jumping pull ups, i mean that you get under the bar, go into a half squat, jump to the bar and, here is the important part, GRAB THE BAR WITH BENT ELBOWS AND PULL RIGHT AWAY! When you get to working in High Rep with the JPU, you have to use as much of the jump as you can to aid in the pull. Otherwise, you are going to get burnt before the set even starts.
How you dismount is up to you. I recommend dropping off the bar into your squat and developing some momentum for your set.
And finally, the most evil and sinister workout I know.
The following drills will be performed for 15 seconds at the top of every minute. You will rest only for the remainder of the minute. Oh yeah, keep the bells in your hands, or racked, for the entire set.
Full Metal Straight Jacket
Double Swing (rack them and hold)
Double Push Press (rack them)
Double Squat (keep them racked!)
Double Snatch (hold them overhead on the last one)
Single leg dead-lift (weak side leg, hang the bells and rest)
Single leg dead-lift (strong side leg, rest the bells and then rest yourself for 1:00).
Repeat for 45 minutes.
Those of you who train with me know that I improv 90% of my workouts. Holiday classes and rep busting 10 minute snatch tests aside, I rarely concoct a workout until i see who is there, and what I am working with. recently, however, I have taken a new approach. I needed to become opportunistic with my workouts, much like I was in my early days as a trainer, when I was swamped with work at LA Fitness and knew that the end of the day would see me rushing home to shower and then "get my club on", leaving no time for a workout. What I came up with is this: If I get to my Advanced Class, and there isn't anyone in attendance who needs to be baby-sat, I will produce a manifest detailing the night's workout and send them off into the wild. All but one time in the last 2 weeks this has worked. And in creating these ready made workouts I have refined some of them to the point of beauty. Here are my Super Five, named in honor of fallen hero Donovan McNabb.
The Centurion
Double Jerk x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
Run 100m (use incline if possible)
Swings x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
Run through the drills circuitously (jerk-run-swing rest 1:00)
You may use long cycle C&J if you like, and you may perform any style of swing you prefer, so long as your hip extensions total out to the preset number (e.g. 5 swings each arm for your sets of 10).
The Spec Ops Man Maker
1 arm swings x 10/10-15/15-20/20-10/10-15/15-20/20-10/10
Push Ups x 10-15-20-10-15-20-10
8 laps around a 400m track.
Also performed as a circuit. In order to balance the 8 laps with the 7 sets of drills, you must bookend the Push Ups and Swings with laps. What I have done is use the initial lap as a means to get loose and establish a time to beat. When you become proficient at this workout, make an attempt to come in earlier each round. Two weeks ago I finished my workout with a final lap[ at 1:37, better than any lap that night. There are no other guidelines to this workout other than to PACE yourself.
Executioner Style
Max Pull Ups, rest 2:00
50% max set, rest 1:00
Get Ups for 5 Minutes, HEAVY KETTLEBELL* switching hands every rep. rest 1:00
Tabata 1 arm Swing, rest 1:00
10 sets of 10 Push Ups, resting :45 between, rest 1:00 when done.
Fast 100 Snatches (20/20-15/15-10/10-5/5 without resting the bell), rest 1:00.
Deck Squat to Pull Up (1 for 1) Max Reps in 3:00 (if you get more than 50 reps call me and I'll buy you a steak).
This workout was modified from the original version as the OG version took too long.
When I say heavy kettlebell, I mean heavy. Women should use this as a chance to work with a 16KG kettlebell, and men should work with the standard issue 24KG or higher.
Black Jack
21 Jumping Pull Ups*
21 Snatches each arm
21 Scorpion Push Ups on each leg (21 left 21 right)
21 Tactical lunges each leg (1 set)
21 Alternating Jerks
21 Deck squat thrusts
Use this workout as a 1 round, short and sweet metabolic boost, or run through it for rounds in, you guessed in, 21:00.
*The Jumping Pull Up is not for everyone. And when I say jumping pull ups, i mean that you get under the bar, go into a half squat, jump to the bar and, here is the important part, GRAB THE BAR WITH BENT ELBOWS AND PULL RIGHT AWAY! When you get to working in High Rep with the JPU, you have to use as much of the jump as you can to aid in the pull. Otherwise, you are going to get burnt before the set even starts.
How you dismount is up to you. I recommend dropping off the bar into your squat and developing some momentum for your set.
And finally, the most evil and sinister workout I know.
The following drills will be performed for 15 seconds at the top of every minute. You will rest only for the remainder of the minute. Oh yeah, keep the bells in your hands, or racked, for the entire set.
Full Metal Straight Jacket
Double Swing (rack them and hold)
Double Push Press (rack them)
Double Squat (keep them racked!)
Double Snatch (hold them overhead on the last one)
Single leg dead-lift (weak side leg, hang the bells and rest)
Single leg dead-lift (strong side leg, rest the bells and then rest yourself for 1:00).
Repeat for 45 minutes.
20071124
The pain of healing
Posting from the future about the past. I am not actually here.
Today, Saturday 071124
Run 5K
Friday REST
Thursday REST
Wednesday 071121
1530 Bikram Yoga
1800 Run 2.5 (with class)
Monday 071119
Executioner Style workout (with Advanced S&C Class)
Get Ups for 5 min. switching hands all reps.
Tabata 1 arm swings (:20 work :10 rest x 4:00)
Snatch 20l,r 15l,r 10l,r 5l,r (without putting the bell down)
Rest 1:30
10 sets of 10 push ups resting :45 between
Rest 1:30
40 swings/30 squats/20 swings/10 squats (100 Hip Extensions)
Rest 2:30
Pull Ups x5 x5 x5 x5 x10
Saturday 071107
Participate in AM Advanced S&C Class
Swing x 10, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 10
Swing x 15, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 15
Swing x 20, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 20
Swing x 10, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 10
Swing x 15, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 15
Swing x 20, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 20
I just found this on YouTube. This was from the Level II training in June. See if you can spot me. If you'd like a hint, I am the jackass shuffling around the field like I can actually shake away the pain. Ridiculous.
Today, Saturday 071124
Run 5K
Friday REST
Thursday REST
Wednesday 071121
1530 Bikram Yoga
1800 Run 2.5 (with class)
Monday 071119
Executioner Style workout (with Advanced S&C Class)
Get Ups for 5 min. switching hands all reps.
Tabata 1 arm swings (:20 work :10 rest x 4:00)
Snatch 20l,r 15l,r 10l,r 5l,r (without putting the bell down)
Rest 1:30
10 sets of 10 push ups resting :45 between
Rest 1:30
40 swings/30 squats/20 swings/10 squats (100 Hip Extensions)
Rest 2:30
Pull Ups x5 x5 x5 x5 x10
Saturday 071107
Participate in AM Advanced S&C Class
Swing x 10, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 10
Swing x 15, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 15
Swing x 20, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 20
Swing x 10, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 10
Swing x 15, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 15
Swing x 20, run 100M uphill, Double Long Cycle x 20
I just found this on YouTube. This was from the Level II training in June. See if you can spot me. If you'd like a hint, I am the jackass shuffling around the field like I can actually shake away the pain. Ridiculous.
20071117
When the seventh trumpet sounds
As the never-concluded post series "Three Days in September" detailed, I attended A Dropkick Murphy's/Flogging Molly show in Philly, followed by two Interpol Shows (NYC, Philly) all in the span of three days. Most recently, I attended a Tiger Army show at the Fillmore in Philly, and an Avenged Sevenfold concert at my favorite concert venue The Electric Factory. For the last two shows I was flanked by hot women from every angle. My "date" for the A7X show looked amazing. She is a horse-riding weight-lifting rich girl from Chester County who I have known for about a year and a half. I rolled up to her town house, waaay stoked and ready to get my metal on. I pulled into her driveway and she greeted me with "Hi! Oh don't park there, my boyfriend is coming over later and he parks there". Strike One. As we rolled into Philly, we played catch up and prepped our ears for some metal with some metal. Our pre-game location was Finnegan's Wake, 3rd and Spring Garden Streets. A solid venue only 8 blocks from the Factory. We rolled, and The Man In Black was pouring out of the jukebox. The Flyers were already up 1-0. When I came back from the pisser she had a shot waiting for me. It was good to go.
Upon exiting the bar at around 2100 hours, we strolled out into a blustery Philly night and a parking violation on her windshield. I picked the parking spot. Strike two. And after we re-parked closer to the Electric Factory, and after we enjoyed the show, We came out to another ticket. Strike three.
The show was insane. We caught one opening band, and they were pretty hard. However, the night was reserved for Sevenfold. With a set that lasted just under an hour, we saw them put on a metal clinic. For awhile, metal fell into disrepair, and in the early 90's it took four lads from Texas to bring metal back to where it belonged. When metal was born, and Iron Maiden and Judas Priest set the bar for other bands to soon follow, such as fellow Englishmen Black Sabbath and Diamondhead, metal was the opposite of punk. Precise, technical, and predicated upon great songwriting and theatrics which accompanied the music on stage. Punk, in it's mandatory short lifetime (Greenday, Fallout Boy, and even the great Bad Religion are not punk, sorry kids), was a nihilistic mockery of the bands who had elevated themselves to a point where 26 minute drum solos and huge arena tours were their hallmark (I love Zeppelin, do not misinterpret that), and with safety pins through nostrils and heroin overdoses and girlfriends shot in the vagina, punk lived fast and died early, which it had to. And as the first wave of American metal bands came about, to include Slayer, Metallics, and Anthrax, all of these bands embraced the "thrash metal" moniker and flaunted their punk influences. Shit, to this day some of my favorite songs are Metallica covering The Misfits (my favorite band ever) and Slayer covering The Exploited (see "Judgment Night" movie soundtrack). At this exact time, many bands bridged the gap, and developed a more primal, more HARDCORE sound for thier punk-oriented aggro music, and thus hardcore Punk was born (see DRI, Black Flag, Bad Brains). Well, when the third wave (third of four) of American Metal Bands took hold, and reclaimed the metal crown from fallen heroes such as Metallica, Megadeath, and post-Joey Belladonna Anthrax, the sound which was (re)invented sounded very similar to the Hardcore punk sounds of east coast bands like Sick of It All, Biohazard, and Agnostic Front. Those four Texas lads I mentioned earlier, if you did not already know, they played in a little single guitar metal band named Pantera. Quite possible the best four piece ever assembled. And in addition to that, they saved heavy music from the depths it had reached. Slayer was going through a drummer every week. Megadeath sounded like rehab had taken Dave Mustaine's edge away (Dave was kicked out of Metallics in 1980 because he was a fall down drunk), and Metallica, well, fuck those clown is all I have to say. "Nothing Else Matters"? Please. How about "Nothing else matters but record sales and how many tickets we sell since this song is meant to just tease women into getting their men to buy them tickets and records". Pussies.
And so Pantera came, conquered, and every kid my age, give or take a few years, who picked up an instrument and wanted to play heavy, will surely credit that Texas four-piece as huge influences. And even if I did not know this for a fact, I would tell you that Avenged Sevenfold's two biggest influences are my two favorite bands from my formative years, Pantera, and 1980's era Guns and Roses. Forget about anything you know of GnR after the year 1989. When GnR landed on the Sunset Strip in '86 and played that unique blend of scum-rock and punk-ish, heat seeking guitars, with those screaming vocals (before Axl ate himself) and that snotty "I just smoked some crack and your girlfriend blew me before I went on stage" attitude, they were demi-Gods. And, accordingly, their career was short and tragic. Their drummer suffered a massive stroke after shooting a clinically lethal dose of heroin into his foot (he is, to this day, under weekly medical attention). Their lead singer is now an overweight recluse who was last seen repping the GnR name with a guy, who, no shit, had a bucket of fried chicken on his head, while wearing an Oakland Raiders, Jerry Rice jersey to hide his unsightly belly. And that is where rock stardom has taken many people. Into the depths of their own heads, gorging on drugs, alcohol, and flesh, while building the wall that keeps the critics and detractors away, and sealing off any chance of reclaiming your "sanity". Enter A7X.
"Five best friends from a Huntington Beach High School" is what I have read many times as online and paper based articles introduce these kids as they try to tell me what I already know, and have always FELT from this band. Metal and rock and punk and whatever else we grew up listening to does not have to exist on separate tiers. When you set out to write songs, and maybe even carry the torch for all the bands that play and live just like you (genre, anyone?), you can create your sound, your niche, your legacy, any way you fucking want as long as you are a music FAN, above all else. And that is what Sevenfold has above all other bands right now. They are still fans of the music that shaped their tastes and the bands who introduced them to other bands and on and on. If you look at a picture of these guys, they are, most certainly California boys. They are all heavily, HEAVILY tattooed, and sport physiques of full on rock gods. You know, the guys who stay fit, but don't really lift all the time. The guys who surfed and rode dirt bikes and played football or whatever growing up, so that now, their energetic stage show keeps them in shape. Those guys. And they are all really good looking. So they aren't playing music to get laid, as I am sure that these guys could get laid even if they just worked in a record store. They play music to honor the heroes of their past. On their 2005 LP "City of Evil", the final two tracks are dedicated to the memory of Pantera's murdered guitar God, Dimebag Darrell Abbot, and a friend who went to Iraq and did not return as the man they knew. These blokes are about playing, and all the shit that come after that is just icing.
A short clip from the short song that introduces their album "Sounding the Seventh Trumpet"
20071115
Short Burst
Die, my Darling, Die
Double C&P 16kg x 3 of 10 resting 1:30 32kg x 3 sets of 2 short rest
Single C&P 32kg x 2 sets of 8 each arm resting 2:00
Double MP 16kg x 8 (wide stance)
1 arm swing 16kg x 50l, 50 r
Run? We'll see.
Double C&P 16kg x 3 of 10 resting 1:30 32kg x 3 sets of 2 short rest
Single C&P 32kg x 2 sets of 8 each arm resting 2:00
Double MP 16kg x 8 (wide stance)
1 arm swing 16kg x 50l, 50 r
Run? We'll see.
20071113
What goes on: Backwards from Today.
071113 0915 Bikram Yoga
071112 1900 Spec Ops Man Maker, 0700 Run 2 miles
071110 USMC Birthday Workout
071109 1530 Bikram Yoga
The Man Maker and USMC Birthday workout may be viewed in detail at the MLK Official Training Blog. I also met a girl who looks exactly like Jada Pinkett yesterday. I mean she was a dead ringer. She may have even been hotter, if that is possible. Her c0-worker had Chuck Taylor's with customized Batman symbols on them. And then I went food shopping.
071113 0915 Bikram Yoga
071112 1900 Spec Ops Man Maker, 0700 Run 2 miles
071110 USMC Birthday Workout
071109 1530 Bikram Yoga
The Man Maker and USMC Birthday workout may be viewed in detail at the MLK Official Training Blog. I also met a girl who looks exactly like Jada Pinkett yesterday. I mean she was a dead ringer. She may have even been hotter, if that is possible. Her c0-worker had Chuck Taylor's with customized Batman symbols on them. And then I went food shopping.
20071109
To the shores of Tripoli
Thursday 071108 1600 Hours
Push Up :10-15-20-25-15 total 85
Swing 16kg :20-30-40-50-30 total 170
400m Lap 2:14, 2:14, 1:54, 1:48, 1:54
Not as nasty as it could have been, as I planned to do 100 push ups, 200 swings, and run 7 laps. I stitched up in the right oblique after the 6th lap and my push ups were suffering, so I boogied out. Which was a good idea, as I am feeling mighty fresh today, and after a breakfast of 8 eggs scrambled with eggplant and zuchinni cubes, and a lunch of 1 chicken breast and some rice, I should be ready to burst by 1500, when today's workout is scheduled.
Wednesday 071107
Jump Rope 3 sets of 3:00
Snatch 16kg Fast 100 (20l 20r 15l 15r 10l 10r 5l 5r)
Pull ups, super wide grip, 4 sets of 2.
Monday 071105
Rope x 3:00
Pull Up x 10 sets of 2 resting :45 between
Rope x 3:00
Run for 27:00
20071102
Play the viedo as you read the post. Or else. . . .
Whenever possible family members and police officials have participated in recreating the events. What you are about to see, is NOT a news broadcast.
Malvern, Pennsylvania. A quiet town no more than 20 miles west of Philadelphia. A town that offers it's residents easy access to the Liberty City via a 50 minute train ride, and at once offering them the quiet solitude often afforded only to inhabitants of rural country towns. This village was where United States Marine and philanderer of ill repute Eric "Will" Williams chose to call home after his return from a tour of life and duty on the West Coast.
At age 25 Williams moved into the sleepy borough, making his home in a 1 bedroom apartment. Four walls and some appliances, a computer, and a bathroom. These are the amenities that marked the space in which Williams would hatch his plan to become the duke of death dealers, the prince of pain, the Total Universe Man.
It began with a pair of balls. Though they were lopsided, a feature that caused some to laugh and make fun of Will's balls, they served their purpose. They made Will tough. Tougher than any other ball bearing boy on his block (the 400 block of East King St.). With balls in hand Will taught himself the basics of ball wielding, and within 18 months had trained directly with the man who has been busting balls for over 20 years. One big and one small, the balls had come to define him. Will wished well of his balls, and kept them clean and warm. When ladies asked to see them, he would beam with pride and proudly display the asymmetrical duo of big black balls. Men would say "He's nuts, with those balls", and turn a jealous eye away. Other ball bearers would study the brazen moves Will busted on his balls, and with jaws agape grab their own balls and mimic the fluidity and grace of Will's ball handling. Older, wiser men would say "that boy is reckless! He goes 'round flashing those balls to e'ryone as though they're the only balls in town. What about MY balls? Sure I can't swing 'em like I used to, but I was putting balls over my head before he even knew where his balls were!"
As you can imagine, the towns people were divided. Seemingly out of nowhere, Malvern Borough had become host to a ball brandishing Jarhead full to the brim with piss and vinegar, balls resting in plain view, inviting others to play. This ballsy behavior caused an angry mob to descend upon the small apartment, irate and whipping themselves up into a frenzy. Demanding that Will either surrender his balls or leave town altogether, they beat upon his door and rattled the tiny housing unit until he presented himself at the window. Balls in hand, and unafraid, he opened his window to the town, and recited, with authority:
"These are my balls. There are many like them, but these one's are mine.
My balls are my best friends. They are my life. I must master them as I must master my life.
My balls, without me, are useless. Without my balls, I am useless. I must swing my balls true. I must swing higher than my enemy who is trying to beat me. I must swing them before he swings his. I will...
My balls and myself know that what counts in this town is not the times that we do it, the size of our balls, nor the sweat we make. We know that it is the reps that count. We will swing...
My balls are human, even as I, because they are my life. Thus, I will learn them as skill. I will learn their weaknesses, thier strengths, their parts, their accessories, their front and their back. I will ever guard them against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my balls clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before you, I swear this creed. My balls and myself are the defenders against unsightly bodyfat. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life...
So be it, until victory is mine, and there is no enemy, but aerobics!"
Cheering as though they had just witnessed the Gettysburg Address, the crowd now looked to Will and saw a defender, a warrior. A ball grabbing brother of honor and truth. They asked him, "show us how to play with these balls, so that we may one day master our own". And with a swell of pride in his healthy chest, he set out to teach the world.
Saturday 071027
Run 2.5 miles
Sunday 071028
Taught a four hour advanced workshop, waaaay tired after.
Monday 071029
100 Long cycle clean and jerks (50 doubles, 50 singles)
Wednesday 071031 Halloween!
1100 hours: Ran 2.7 miles
1700 Hours: Pull Ups
5 sets of 3 resting 1:30
3 sets of 5 resting 2:00
10 sets of 1 resting :30 between
Friday 071102 1515 hours
Pull Ups x1 x3 x4 x3 x3 x3 x3 x2 sets of 5 (30)
Push Ups x 3 sets of 20, 4 sets of 10 (100)
Swings 24kg x30 x 20 x 20
Short and severe. Done in 32 minutes. Ate a carton of egg whites scrambled with an avocado, 2 green peppers, and a diced tomato, plus a chicken salad wrap on whole wheat.
Malvern, Pennsylvania. A quiet town no more than 20 miles west of Philadelphia. A town that offers it's residents easy access to the Liberty City via a 50 minute train ride, and at once offering them the quiet solitude often afforded only to inhabitants of rural country towns. This village was where United States Marine and philanderer of ill repute Eric "Will" Williams chose to call home after his return from a tour of life and duty on the West Coast.
At age 25 Williams moved into the sleepy borough, making his home in a 1 bedroom apartment. Four walls and some appliances, a computer, and a bathroom. These are the amenities that marked the space in which Williams would hatch his plan to become the duke of death dealers, the prince of pain, the Total Universe Man.
It began with a pair of balls. Though they were lopsided, a feature that caused some to laugh and make fun of Will's balls, they served their purpose. They made Will tough. Tougher than any other ball bearing boy on his block (the 400 block of East King St.). With balls in hand Will taught himself the basics of ball wielding, and within 18 months had trained directly with the man who has been busting balls for over 20 years. One big and one small, the balls had come to define him. Will wished well of his balls, and kept them clean and warm. When ladies asked to see them, he would beam with pride and proudly display the asymmetrical duo of big black balls. Men would say "He's nuts, with those balls", and turn a jealous eye away. Other ball bearers would study the brazen moves Will busted on his balls, and with jaws agape grab their own balls and mimic the fluidity and grace of Will's ball handling. Older, wiser men would say "that boy is reckless! He goes 'round flashing those balls to e'ryone as though they're the only balls in town. What about MY balls? Sure I can't swing 'em like I used to, but I was putting balls over my head before he even knew where his balls were!"
As you can imagine, the towns people were divided. Seemingly out of nowhere, Malvern Borough had become host to a ball brandishing Jarhead full to the brim with piss and vinegar, balls resting in plain view, inviting others to play. This ballsy behavior caused an angry mob to descend upon the small apartment, irate and whipping themselves up into a frenzy. Demanding that Will either surrender his balls or leave town altogether, they beat upon his door and rattled the tiny housing unit until he presented himself at the window. Balls in hand, and unafraid, he opened his window to the town, and recited, with authority:
"These are my balls. There are many like them, but these one's are mine.
My balls are my best friends. They are my life. I must master them as I must master my life.
My balls, without me, are useless. Without my balls, I am useless. I must swing my balls true. I must swing higher than my enemy who is trying to beat me. I must swing them before he swings his. I will...
My balls and myself know that what counts in this town is not the times that we do it, the size of our balls, nor the sweat we make. We know that it is the reps that count. We will swing...
My balls are human, even as I, because they are my life. Thus, I will learn them as skill. I will learn their weaknesses, thier strengths, their parts, their accessories, their front and their back. I will ever guard them against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my balls clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before you, I swear this creed. My balls and myself are the defenders against unsightly bodyfat. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life...
So be it, until victory is mine, and there is no enemy, but aerobics!"
Cheering as though they had just witnessed the Gettysburg Address, the crowd now looked to Will and saw a defender, a warrior. A ball grabbing brother of honor and truth. They asked him, "show us how to play with these balls, so that we may one day master our own". And with a swell of pride in his healthy chest, he set out to teach the world.
Saturday 071027
Run 2.5 miles
Sunday 071028
Taught a four hour advanced workshop, waaaay tired after.
Monday 071029
100 Long cycle clean and jerks (50 doubles, 50 singles)
Wednesday 071031 Halloween!
1100 hours: Ran 2.7 miles
1700 Hours: Pull Ups
5 sets of 3 resting 1:30
3 sets of 5 resting 2:00
10 sets of 1 resting :30 between
Friday 071102 1515 hours
Pull Ups x1 x3 x4 x3 x3 x3 x3 x2 sets of 5 (30)
Push Ups x 3 sets of 20, 4 sets of 10 (100)
Swings 24kg x30 x 20 x 20
Short and severe. Done in 32 minutes. Ate a carton of egg whites scrambled with an avocado, 2 green peppers, and a diced tomato, plus a chicken salad wrap on whole wheat.
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