Sick Sad Little World part II: The kettlebell strikes back.

I feel like I got beat with baseball bats. Like I was hit by a tractor while crossing the street. Like I opened a closet door and a thousand kettlebells came rolling out and washed over me like the wave of pain. Yesterday I tested myself. Today I pay.

Saturday night was stellar. I represented the Kettlebell in Downtown Philly, an area I rarely travel to, at a friend of a friend's birthday party. Salsa dancing, Don Julio, taxis (I think), tattooed men and women, business cards flying out of my pocket, girls trying to beat me up, bouncers who look just like me, sleeping in my car, Turkey Sausage and egg white sandwiches for breakfast, and Elvis live from MSG June 1970 on the oldies station to get me through the ride home. You can imagine what Sunday morning was like. I got a good nap on, drank about 3 gallons of water, and then rented a fine film titled "Apocalypto". My mate Johnny Boy tells me he made the mistake of watching this movie with his family. He thought it would be a nice story to show the kids. he said he was wrong. I watched it on Sunday and found out why.

Monday, yesterday, I woke up from a good sleep at 0600 and got a swing on. 100 swings and 120 push ups. I was happy to have thrashed myself under the AM sun, and when the afternoon rolled around and my 2030 training session cancelled due to illness, I took the chance to punish myself, along with my class, with a little "300" action.

That is, the 300 Workout, modified, as set forth by "P W IRON CLUB" in West Chester, PA. Homeboy Mike and I are testing to qualify in this workout next Monday at 1100. Finals are 14 July.

25 Pull Ups
50 Dead lifts with 135 lbs.
50 Floor Wipers
50 Push ups
50 Box Jumps at 24" high
50 Clean and presses each arm with a 35 lb. dumbbell (100 reps)
We haven't figured out why the Gym hosting this event is standardizing thier workout at 325 reps, but we don't really care either! We go Extra Spicy on Monday Nights.

I've been to gymjones.com and read their tales of training the cats from the movie. Whoever created this workout was sick and should be incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay. We modified the training to meet our equipment "limitations".

Men were paired with women, so the ladies could have a strong spotter for their 50 pull ups. We had no barbells (this was an Advanced S&C class in the park, just KBs, picnic tables, and monkey bars) or boxes, so this is what our workout looked like.

25 Pull Ups (Ladies spotted at the feet or lats)
50 Push Ups (ladies used the picnic bench for elevation, as opposed to kneeling bullshit push ups)
50 Swings, any style (men 40KG ladies 24KG)
50 Crunches/sit-ups (whatever you call them, I'm not a fan of crunches, but they hurt, so OOH RAH)
50 Table Jumps or 50 Step Ups (clients had the option of performing one or the other, but not both, as some folks are motivated but nonetheless non-athletes)
50 Clean and Presses each arm (Men 16kg Ladies 8kg). This was the sick Sad portion of the workout, as I found myself muttering my rep count out loud and whimpering as I cleaned the bell for the 45th, 46th, 47th. . .
25 MORE Pull Ups. It took me 4 attempts to get my final pull up. I finished at 34:00+. I am disgusted, embarrassed, and sore. My whole upper body is brutalized. The only high rep exercises I perform are swings, snatches, C&J, deck squats, and h2h flow that lasts 3-5 minutes. I haven't trained like that since the days where, well, I didn't know better.

Though my time was way off where I wanted it to be, it was necessary to est. a bench mark so that when qualifying next Monday I have a number to use as a drop-dead time. If I'm not wrapping up the clean and presses by 22:00 I may as well hand over my testicles to the guy with the watch.